Im moving forward

~~Saturday, October 31, 2009~~

9:56 PM

Back for a post =)

Today went out with Jes =) Hahaha !! Damn long never meet and go out with you le (>.<) You change quite alot la ! Hahaha . Not the nerd nerd type anymore ^^ But ... hahaha !! dont want tell you lei (>.<) Halloween party damn stupid la !! Not scary at all -.-although no need money cos we are NEBOIANS !! Admission free ^^ haha but still , waste time only -.- Year end lets go our favourite place again ^^ Cant say it out cos its our secret right (>.<) But at least its not anything hideous can le :)

You got my back right ;) Hehe . You ar you ... When get a brother-in law for me to see ?? Ahaha !!!! Im waiting for your good news wor (>.<) i will be the first one to congrats you and treat you a BIG treat man ! Hehehe . Anw , back to my life now . Tomorrow going to have a test (>.<) But , easy la ... MC test always so easy and waste of time only . Gonna have high tea after that with cousins them ^^ hehe . Dont worry Wei qin , i will sure burn your pocket tomorrow de !! Haha :)

Im moving forward ...

9:46 AM

This shall be a long post .
Once and for all , i saying all out .

Ever since my thing started . All of you have been commenting and advising me to change back to myself . Its you , Seng kiat . You came to my blog and post to let me know and i can say that i have been trying very hard to get back with all of you . But , think about it . Just a few days you told me that and you start to ignore me . I was like , wad is this ? You told me to change and you ignore me ? I know you hav your family problems , but i still give you time to cool down . But u still choose to ignore me . What is this ??

Take for example tt day i ask everyone out to play basketball . Just one day before our practical . You noe wads the reason i ask all of you out ? I just wanted to get intact with you guys back . Do you actually noe that i have a quarrel with my mum before i came out ? I ignore her just becos of all of you . I actually only have a check-up not long ago before asking you all out that day . In my life , i can say i make alot of sacrifies for you guys . Example , I was in pain that day and was like totally feel like my ligaments will tear any moment . But , did i tell you guys ? Did i stop playing ? No . I still continue to play with you guys . I just endure the pain myself and ease my pain by eating pain killer . Reason why i did all these is because i want everyone to have a happy day .

For these two years of friendships and brothership with you guys . I have make alot of sacrifises . All those outings , kbox sessions , birthday parties .. I have always been the one that paying extra more . I did not even grumble about why i am always the one paying more , but its that i just wants everyone to be happy , have a good and enjoyable day . But , everytime when you guys said that going out with me would make you guys pocket a hole , do you guys actually noes how i feel ? True , wq says that you all dont meant it . But , if you guys dont meant it , why in the first place still have to say it ?

You said that u dont say things behind me . Than i have a question for you . Why is it when you fiund out that i got kittylab tickets for Jacq and you're so piss off ? Even said that on that day playing ball should actually make my injury more worst and let me spend my holidays in the hospital instead ? At the very first place , i can say i did back out . I even told Jacq . But why i dint in the end ? Its not becos i thinks that i have make a wrong choice and decided to take back my words , but its her . She's the one that holds me back . You guys always thinks that i like to say a thing and fail to do so in the end , but do you think i dont want to explain to you guys ? Do you guys actually give me a chance by explaining to all of you ?

From the very start when i decided to back out , i have alrdy lost confidence . do you know why i back ou t? All becos of you . for once again i can sacrifise myself for you . If i back out can make you happy . why not ? Its all becos of you . I lost all my confidence . I've alrdy told weiqi , i have no more confidence in wooing her back . Who she accepts or rejects , i would just accept the fate and would not beg or bludge on her . I can sacrifise my relationship just for friendship and brothership , but can you do it ? you got so angry just when i bought tickets for her , but did i get angry when she is always out with you ??

Talking about im PROUD of myself and look down on all of you . Think about it again . If im too proud and look down on you guys , would i be giving in in basketball ? Will i be lik showing off and say no one can win me ?Asking you guys to improve in your skills first than compete with me again ? Insult you guys ? There's never ever i think that my basketball is perfect . When i say that theres a gap in between even you guys train and i trian too . Its the Basic IQ you dont get it . Just for example , if theres a guy weak in maths and is studying ver hard to compete with a guys that is ver strong in it and is still studying very hard to master it . Tell me , wld the weak be able to catch up ? Yes , he can . But it would take a serious long time . Im not insulting u that u hav no IQ but its just that why can you cant think in the simple way but rather in the complicated way ?

You insulted my basketball in front of all of them by saying my skills is not even capable to play SF . Do you know how it feels when a basketballer that plays basketball for 8 years and have always been playing that position feels like ? The moment i heard that do you actually notice that my face and tone change ? I can tell you that wq did notice that , but did i give you attitude ? No . I hold back , but you still keep on saying that . I feel insulted at that very moment you know ? I can tell you if im still the Adrian that is very violence , i can asure you that at the moment i wld have already give you a straight punch in your face . But did i ? Im not the Adrian that is unreasonable and always use violence anymore . I consider for everyone else first . But i dont consider for myself first , never always thinks for myself first but the rest .

Aren't you always likes to take things that are already the past and likes to say me again when the rest have already decided to let the matter rest and not to go and think about it ? You always like to dig everything from tha past and say me isn't it ? I can tell you , i dont even deserve this kind of treatment from you at all . So if you're going to continue , So be it . Let the others see and think that you hold on to things . thats wad i can say .

Dont be a fool that thinks that i fighting with you because of Jacq . Im just not happy with the attitude you gave to me . Plus , if you guys thinks that im always thinking im right and dont take others comment , would i have listen to youu guys and change myself ? Wont i be ignoring all your comments already if i think im always right ? And tell me , did i ever look down on you ? Did i tell you to always do things no matter wad i say ? Am i like you that says that i have to listen to you at all times ? I didnt . In this 2 years , whenever we play basketball , i did not do all these things . Not a single one .

You might be thinking that , WAAAA .... I very noble wor ... always give in and make sacrifise wor ... Than you're wrong . To me , sometimes a little of sacrifise that can bring happiness to everyone , Why not ?

For now , I would make the first step by apologizing first . Because i know if one party that dun stop this first , the other wld not let it rest . So now , Im sorry .. for once and for all , stop this stupid fight . Whether to end this would be up to you . Sorry . Thats all .

Im moving forward ...

~~Friday, October 30, 2009~~

10:23 PM

Hiie peeps !!!

Woke up aroud 11am liddat (>.<) Had a super nice sleep :) Very long never sleep until so soundly le .. Hahaha . Actually intend to continue to sleep longer abit de , but all thanks to my that brother ! Talk like nobody business liddat !! Make me wan to continue with my sleep oso cant -.- IDIOT ! Alright , woke up and start with my revision on Poa and SS around 12pm . Super dry can .. Read for about 4 hours and start to use com liao :P Search for new songs and i found a few damn nice ones !! OMG ! So damn love it man =) Especially 温岚 - 爱情没有对错 ! Super nice man . Confirm alot of ppl will like this song ^^ The melody is groovy luh . Lyrics oso very easy to remember (>.<) Hehehe . But some of the songs are saddening :( Alright , i shall be the DJ for today ^^

Here's the links for these songs ^^

温岚 - 爱情没有对错 : http://ting.mbox.sogou.com/listenV2.jsp?cid=1FB905A607DD7176&gid=13cd2f8a87d780fc&s=%CE%C2%E1%B0&t=%B0%AE%C7%E9%C3%BB%D3%D0%B6%D4%B4%ED&lid=0000000000000000&ac=1&w=02009900&_asf=mp3.sogou.com&_ast=1256895724&from=search&pp=txt&p=40030200&dp=1

温岚 - 我全都相信 : http://ting.mbox.sogou.com/listenV2.jsp?cid=11B1E4FDB738A117&gid=18f2e8144a394bf4&s=%CE%C2%E1%B0&t=%CE%D2%C8%AB%B6%BC%CF%E0%D0%C5&lid=0000000000000000&ac=1&w=02009900&_asf=mp3.sogou.com&_ast=1256896157&from=search&pp=txt

温岚 - 刺猬 : http://ting.mbox.sogou.com/listenV2.jsp?cid=1FF2203BB1286002&gid=1548e012972d9734&s=%CE%C2%E1%B0&t=%B4%CC%E2%AC&lid=0000000000000000&ac=1&w=02009900&_asf=mp3.sogou.com&_ast=1256896194&from=search&pp=txt Enjoy these songs ^^

Dun say things so fast yet . You sure you never say sacarstic things behind me ? You dare to say that ? Dun force me .. You sure everyone is standing on yourside ? Everyone believe in you now ? I wont say that they are siding me nor even i wan them to side me . I can say i have done nothing wrong at all !

Whole family went to eat Mac with Cousin . All becos of the stupid Monopoly game -.- Crazy de . Eat Mac how can make my stomach full (>.<) Hahaha . Texted and ask for concern , but ... Nvm . Maybe is ... I dunno .

Confidence level = 25.99999....%

Im moving forward ...

~~Thursday, October 29, 2009~~

2:09 PM

Woke up 11plus in the morning and start to do abit of revision . When i sat down on the chair and look at the Poa papers , dunno why . Totally dun have the motivation to do at all -.- So decided to watch TBG 2009 Ocrew again :) Totally in love with their movements and fragilitiy (>.<) After that than start to do my work cos the motivation is back ^^ Hahaha . Sounds lame right -_- Today have no papers but my bro hav A maths ! Hope he can do ^^ YES , I know he can !! Jiayou !

Totally found out the truth . Thats the reason why i have been treated liddat all these while ? Wake up pls . Im begging you already . There's still hope if you turn back now . You're sad when you have to leave ? I htought you would be rather happy -.- Alright , thats not the main point . Its still your choice i can say . If you still wans to treat me with this way , than so be it . Dont drag others down or in .

:) : Its not your fault at all . You dont have to feel guilty at all . But if you wan to feel guilty , i think i should be the one feeling guilty in the first place . If it wasn't i start all this mess , all of us wouldn't end up being liddat . We would still be the same , always happy and have fun together . So , dun think that you're the cause to this current problem . Unless you wan me to feel guilty ..

Just weeks away and so many problems comes up . I wonder when will all this comes to an end or stop . Sigh ...

Confidence level = less than 30% . Not the same anymore ..

Im moving forward ...

~~Wednesday, October 28, 2009~~

7:57 PM

Hohoh (>.<) !!

Talk on the phone with weiqi yesterday . We talk from 11plus all the way till 2am in the morning la !! Haha ^^ Man's talk and studies talk all the way ! Super long never liddat talk on the phone with him for so long le (>.<) Hor Wei qi ?? Agree with me rite ? So many changing in just a short period of time . But wad to do ?? Cant blame yet cos the brain still in 'kiddy' mood xD you know wad i mean rite ? Hahaha

Alright , today maths paper 2 . Hmm ... how to say ... Easy as paper 1 i can say ? LOL ! But still make a careless mistake la .. Sian .. But based on this 2 maths paper , think should be able to get a A2 or at least a B3 =) Confident with myself ^^

Rather than wasting my time with those things . I must well rather go plan my plans for the holidays better :) More productive than seeing or listening to that stuck up things -.- Hahaha .

YES ! Re-confirmation is done !! Everthing all plan on that day =) All you have to do is have FUN ! (>.<)

Im moving forward ...

~~Tuesday, October 27, 2009~~

9:59 PM

Old song but i like it this song very much because the lyrics is damn meaningful =)

第一次

当你看着我
我没有开口已被你猜透
还是没把握
还是没有符合你的要求
是我自己想得太多
还是你也在闪躲
如果真的选择是我
我鼓起勇气去接受
不知不觉让视线开始闪烁
哦~第一次我说爱你的时候
呼吸难过心不停地颤抖
哦~第一次我牵起你的双手
失去方向不知该往哪儿走
那是一起相爱的理由
那是一起厮守
哦~第一次吻你深深的酒窝
想要清醒却冲昏了头
哦~第一次你躺在我的胸口
二十四小时没有分开过
那是第一次知道天长地久
是我自己想得太多
还是你也在闪躲
如果真的选择是我
我鼓起勇气去接受
不知不觉让视线开始闪烁
哦~第一次我说爱你的时候
呼吸难过心不停地颤抖
哦~第一次我牵起你的双手
失去方向不知该往哪儿走
那是一起相爱的理由对我……
感觉你属于我
感觉你的眼眸
第一次就决定绝不会错
哦~第一次我说爱你的时候
呼吸难过心不停地颤抖
哦~第一次我牵起你的双手
失去方向不知该往哪儿走
那是一起相爱的理由
那是一起厮守
哦~第一次吻你深深的酒窝
想要清醒却冲昏了头
哦~第一次你躺在我的胸口
二十四小时没有分开过
那是第一次知道天长地久~~

Im moving forward ...

6:37 PM

Maths !!! Maths !!!

Just came back from my Maths paper 1 . Is it easy ?? Hmm ... Can say so lor (>.<) Maths isnt very difficult for me ba ^^ But theres one stupid careless mistake i make !!! Co-ordinates should be ( x , y ) but i put ( y , x ) instead !!! OMG -.- how careless and dumb i can be -.- nvm . At least other questions i can still do it (>.<) How nice the cambridge can be la . Paper 1 set so easy ... Paper 2 i think sure would be a killer paper liao la !! Sian ... Tomorrow paper 2 ! Must focus on graphs liao cos paper 1 never even come out a question that is about graph except for speed - time graph la -.- SO , everyone MUST chiong on Graph ar !!!

Ask me a question that has actually no real answer to it . No . In fact , there are actually too many different kind of answers to it . You are lucky that i know lots of things that they dunno . Count lucky that i have the answer . But still , everytime im using tt . So if you're saying that im not . i think should say that they didnt pay attention to my ball but rather focus themselves on me . Fancyful plays im not going for it , cos its pointless . Plus , theres something that you should reflect on now . In a team , theres no whose the leader or listen to who only . In a team , its all about teamwork . Solo and arrogant is wad we call action . So , if everyone have a point , all should listen and the person must point out . Not only the one tt create the team can say YES and NO and everyone must listen to him at all times . So , reflect on this first . I maybe agree to the training but not on all those that i mention above . So ya ~

I dunno why ... Theres a gap now ... far far away

Im moving forward ...

~~Monday, October 26, 2009~~

7:20 PM

Back from English paper !!

Pheww ... Can say that the paper is still cmi huh ? (can make it) Hahaha . Paper one was rather the paper that everyone tend to get nervous i guess ?? Ahahaha . As for paper two .. hmm ... ok la (>.<) Except for passage B , abit tricky and need some thinking ^.^ Thats all for English ! Gonna throw away everything in my brain that is link with english and stored maths in le !! Sian man ... Tomorrow 2.30pm paper -.- Dunno why the hell they put it till so late -.- Waste my time .

Anw , i can say that there are some 'pretenders' or rather 'bootlickers' in this world ehh ?? 'Pretenders' are those that acts behind and dare not to act in front of those that they really wan to act to . 'Bootlickers' are those that suck up other ppl backside and than pretend again . So i guess , 'Bootlickers' are just a pretender afterall ehh ?? Dont try come and act with me . Dont ever try me too . Im capable of what i think YOU know it very well ehh .. isnt it ? Hah . I have been tolerating you and telling myself to believe in you and give you chance again and again like how u use to before . But its you that choose to walk this path and not me the one that force you to walk this path . I believe you haven really wake up ur senses like i do . So , i still can ask you nicely try to walk back the path and not this . But its still your choice i can said . (Not refering to you idiot -.-)

Im moving forward ...

~~Saturday, October 24, 2009~~

5:58 PM

Alright .. How should i go today ...

Start by this morning . Woke up at 10plus thanks to my bro . Irritating and annoying . Spam his fone to the max , totally has no consideration for others that are still sleeping . Damn stuck up ! Read the newspaper and found something that caught my eye . Got to plan ahead first because i dont wan to rush at the last moment and in the end ruin everything . Did some maths paper after that and realise that my maths is actually quite ok so i move on to poa . Did all the homework that is given by my cousin and i can say i really have improve my poa :) which is a good thing . At least i dont have to be worried about another subject already . Totally didnt touch english today although monday is english . Dont know why .. Went down to the pool and take a rest as its damn windy today ^^ Look at the sky for quite a moment and realise that sky has a limit , so does humans . Everyone has their own limits in everything they do .

Rested for quite sometime and decided to go back . When i was at the doorstep , i heard some conversation going on with my parents and my neighbour . I hide behind the wall and try to listen to what they are talking about . Australia . Yes , Australia . They are talking about studies over there and stuffs until i heard my dad said he might be considering sending both of us , my brother and me to Australia to study . At that moment , Alot of things run through my mind .. Why ? Why is that so out of sudden ?? I have my friends here which i cant bare to leave , my studies that i havent completed in here . Alot of stuffs that i havent solve and do . I dont want to leave here . Hold back my emotions and went back in . Act as normal and went back to my room .. Cant find someone i really can talk to so decided to say everything out in my blog .

I guess i really need a rest ..

Im moving forward ...

~~Friday, October 23, 2009~~

6:16 PM

Did quite alot of productive stuffs today =)

Woke up 10 plus in the morning and start revising my Social studies . Read about 3 chapters and i start to feel dry already -.- Look out the window and saw that the sun is damn scorching la !! Actually dont intend to go down de but someone words keep coming into my mind -.- say i too white le ! Ask me go suntan -.- So no choice i went down and suntan plus swiming =) At first , the sun is damn bright and scorching , but when i went down for less than 15 minutes , the sun is gone !! Waste my time man -.- But i still continue to wait because i have the time to wait (>.<) I can say that i like my colour now !!! Golden brown colour is always wad i dream to have off ^^ Cook lunch for my mum and bro =) Damn contented with my cooking !! Next time can be a chef le la ! Hahahaha (>.<)

After lunch , i continue my revision wif my english as its O level english on monday !!! Nervous la (>.<) Hahaha . Around 5pm on the tv and watch chn U . Damn funny can !! Show , My idol MAN !! Ahahaha ^.^ Found a new song that i like for now =) Its sing by 张惠妹 - 掉了 . You guys should try and listen =) Alright , got to go out for dinner le !! See ya :)

Im moving forward ...

~~Thursday, October 22, 2009~~

7:17 PM

Hohohooo :) Im back peeps !!

Opening my blog back again :) Hehe ^^
Hmm ... Today's practical is .... EASY ! Ahahaha >.< Finish the whole thing and i still have around 45 minutes left !! Seng Kiat did finish very fast too !! Guess only the 2 of us finish it so fast luh =) Spent the rest of the time playing with all the solutions . I make the roots all purple colour !! Transport in plants =) Alright , wads wif my Biology now -.- Anw , rush home straight cos got to make passport . Sorry Litin and Keith .. Cos i cant celebrate Litin bithday =(

First time in my life ... See newspaper and saw the exhibition and straight away that idiot came into my mine and i went to buy it even thought i ask that idiot to choose wisely -.- Happy ma ?? You happy but i suffer leh .... Now gonna wait for the queen to scold me liao la >.< Hahaha ! Joking joking =)

Im moving forward ...

~~Wednesday, October 21, 2009~~

9:22 PM

Hiie Peeps !!!

Can say that i had a great time today although i have some difficulties! Weiqi you should noe wad i mean right :) shh... dun tell anyone, as long as everyone is happy, a little sacrifise is also worth it i guess :) hmm ... Very long never play basketball with them le! I can say that they actually improve alot !! But im the only one that keeps on deproving la -.- Idiot sia -.- But overall , still can make it ba ?? Hahahaha ^.^ love this kind of days when we play together :) After Os we shall play again !!!

Tomorrow is the official start of o level le !! Abit nervous but still , GOODLUCK PEEPS !! LETS GRADUATE TOGETHER YEA !!!

Will post tmr if i can =)see ya!

Ya , i have no sincerity and patience at all . All those i did are just my own willingness . How stupid i can be . Hah

Im moving forward ...

~~Tuesday, October 20, 2009~~

8:15 PM

Back for a post peeps !!

Able to use the com all thanks to my dad =)

Actually intend to post the pics that took today but i guess i would post it all now =)Spend a very long time editing it and all the effects man !! Love my Close up black and white the best !! Muahahahaha >.< I think im a genius man ! Hehe xD

Bloody phone jam and after i restart , EVERY MESSAGES IS GONE !! ALL GONE !! ALL THE MESSAGES IN IT MEANTS ALOT ALOT ALOT TO ME AND IN JUST A SECONDS , EVERYTHINGS GONE !!! I HATE THIS ***** FONE !!!

Alright , here's all the pics i have took with my bro too in the afternoon >.<
Enjoy =)

Im moving forward ...

~~Monday, October 19, 2009~~

6:49 PM

Hiie people !!

Im in Love with Super Junior new song man !!! You guys should listen to it !! Title -Sorry Sorry =) Enjoy

Went to Wei Qi house and study today . Yi feng that joker >.< I think he's not there to study de lor ! Keep on talking and complaining -.- study Poa as uaual and i guess i've really improve my poa le !!! Now the final accounts can balance le =)So proud of myself =)study until half way than Wei qi got to go Cp to collect things from miss tan and we follow . Collect the stuffs that he needed to and head back to hougang =) Went to play pool for awhile !! Yi feng u lucky bastard >.< You heng only arr !! If the white ball never go in u comfirm lose to me by 5 balls !!! Ahahaha >.<
close the game and went home around 5pm .

Now currently not doing anything cos suddenly have a headache =(
Thought of a number of things that happen recently ...
Felt that something is hiding form me .. I dont like the feeling . Why just cant be honest and just say out the truth and let me know ?

I hope you guys can really make it on wednesday . I just hope that we can have our last game before our Os really starts .
Please .. Im begging you all already ..
I really tried my best to walk in to all of your lives again but it seems that now its you guys not allowing me to get in ..
I really dunno what you guys want from me .. Really ...
Im tired already ..
Tired ...

Im moving forward ...

~~Sunday, October 18, 2009~~

11:04 PM

Another post for de day peeps !!

Didnt collect my disc today in the end:( cos still unsure where's Oschool >.< Haha! It has move and i didnt know tt -.- damn it! Lol. Went to eat Seoul Garden instead of Sakura:) damn full can >..< of course, my favourite dessert too, ICE-CREAM!! Ahahaha! Dont doubt my abilities of eating ice cream ehh,cos i finish de whole container of coffee flavour >.< hehe:) i think i gain weight le! Its a good thing:)

Went home after that and guess wad? I've been singing frm 3plus to 7 plus non-stop! Im so gonna go to de kbox man!! Miss de days where all of us go to de kbox together n sing n have fun:) aww>.< Guys we shall go after Os alright??

Hmm.. She texted me! So rare of her to text me man>.< Haha! Bored than text me -.- text me whenever you're free too la! LOL!! Joking joking:) anw, i damn long nv go st james le>.< I want go too!!

Alright peeps:) got to head to bed now:) See ya tmr>.

Im moving forward ...

10:56 AM

Vola !!!

Im back people !! LOL(>.<)! Think i not gonna to post my personal stuffs anymore . Who cares ?? Haha:) I think i still prefer to enjoy my current life now =) Gonna go to lavender to collect my LONG wait 2009 Big Groove Dvd at Oschool !!! I've been like waiting for almost half a month already luh !! Ahahaha >.< Cant wait to watch the dance again :)

Wld be going to Sakura for lunch with my dad's workers after that -.- It has been a long time since i last ate with them i guess ? Hahaha ! Alright , Got to go and prepare now !!
Will post again if i have time tonight :)

See ya =) SMILE =) (>.<)!

Im moving forward ...

~~Saturday, October 17, 2009~~

3:27 PM

Outside now using the my phone to blog ......

Just came out of the hospital .....
Really .. really suffer a big blow ....
I dunno whether i can take it anot ....
Im sorry guys ...
If you text me or call me and i didnt reply ....
Please just leave me alone for a moment .......

Im moving forward ...

~~Friday, October 16, 2009~~

9:32 PM

Back for a post >.< !!

Went to school for revision today .
But before i head to sch , i went to hospital first becos of some reason ... ya ..
Reach school ard 11am and meet up with Yifeng first as weiqi , always the late king never change huh ?? Hahaha !!
Joking joking >.<
Study in school until 2.15pm liddat than i headed home le ...
Was lik damn piss off with my bro !
I press the door bell lik so many times but he jus refuse to open the door for me !!
At first i thought that , ohh maybe there's no one home than i open the door myself .
Than when i open , i heard the computer sound and he was playing GAME !!!
I was like scolding him and quickly have a cold bath to cool myself down .
Than was like spamming the music player damn loud for quite a few hours to wait for my parents to come back ...
Lots of things running through my mind then ...

When my parents was back , we headed to Ikea to have dinner .
Have you guys ever feel before the taste of looking at your family members eating delicious food in your face while you cant eat them ??!!
I have it man !!
I cant eat or drink for 12 hours -.-
Reason ??
Tmr have a full body check-up ...
Sian ...
Guess im back to those days that need to goes in to hospital everday le ...
Like checking in hotel liddat -.- LOLS

Alright , ADRIAN !
Today you have make the first step already !
Keep it up !!
You can do it de !!

Im moving forward ...

~~Thursday, October 15, 2009~~

6:46 PM

Wack my leg until the wall just now ...
Damn hard ....
I suddenly feel a slight pain ...
Dunno why ...
I have a worried feeling .. damn scared and worried feeling going throught my spine .
I hope its not the old injuries ... Pls ....

Im moving forward ...

2:03 PM

Back for a post =))

Hmm ...
I guess seng kiat is changing too huh ....
Haiis ... Can you come back too ??!!!!
End of year le !!!
All come back PLEASEEEEEE !!!!!!!!
Dun wanna hav a Graduation night that is all change de luh =((

I've prepare to change back to myself for you guys but you guys dont change to another self of yourself can ???
Haiis ....
Really dont wish all of us fall apart after this year ...
SENG KIAT !!! DONT BE THE EMO ONE LIKE I USE TO LA !!!!
YOU'RE THE ONE TT WAKE ME UP THAN YOU LIDDAT NOW ???!!!
I KILL YOU CAN ??!!

As days goes by ...
The decision i've make earlier is shaking already ....
I dunno how to decide now .
Guess i'll just leave it and see how days goes by ba ..
The 1st step , i'll start from now ..

Labels: GUYS COME BACK PLEASE

Im moving forward ...

~~Wednesday, October 14, 2009~~

6:40 PM

Quite a boring day today ...

Went to sch for practical briefing at 11.30am .
Was like damn boring can ...
Just go through the points and stuffs liddat only -.-
Waste my 1 hour ! Hahaha =)

Waited for Wei Qi at the bus stop to past him the chalet file .
Hey guys , i chip in another $50 hor !!
Dont say i nv gong xian ar >.< Hehe

Aft that went home and rot -.-
Had nothing to do and had been using the com from than til now !
Read abit of Chem and Bio ...
Watch tv ...
Think of some things ... Hmm
Some plans that i had to plan ahead and stuffs that i got to give =)
Hehe . Secret for the time being =)
Than now blogging ...

Feels weird without the text-ses ...
Dunno how my life is going to go on **********
Try and guess >.< ( dont try by counting how many star i put xD )
Anw , Day by day goes on ...
I got to try harder !!!

Im moving forward ...

~~Tuesday, October 13, 2009~~

8:45 PM

Been looking at the stars frm 6plus till now ..
Thinking alot of things .

Dunno how to express myself but there's a song that came into my mind ..
The Lyrics is so meaningful =)

Goodbye -

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

[Chorus:]
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
[End Chorus]

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

[Chorus]

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say good-bye.

Nice ba ??
Listen it with your heart .
Dedicated to you specially =)
You should know who im refering ba ?

Im moving forward ...

12:28 PM

Hiie =)
Can say this is the last memories i can only remember ba ?
So i shall share it with my blog ba ..

24th August 2009
The day that i found someone that has a similar thinking with me =)
Although we knew early , but we're together on this day =)
Its means so much to me that night when we both found out that we hav the same feelings for each other ^^

27th August 2009
We are thinking about how do we tell zilin and the others in order for me to fetch her go to bear birthday party .
Thought of stupid ideas but still in the end got a solution =)

29th August 2009
I thought of telling zilin the truth first , but she hold me back .
Than we thought of telling them aft Bear Birthday party =)
On that night she quarrel with her mum and i couldn't contact her !
Make me so worried >.< After sometime , finally she's alright =)

30th August 2009
You quarrel with your mum again .
Was damn worried about you and waited for her at pasir ris mrt no matter wad happens . Waited for ard 2 hour plus ba i think ?
Finally she came .. Although she smile all the way , i noe that she's still not happy ..
She like to hide her emotions to herself , guess thats wad she attracts me ba ^^

31st August 2009
Everyone got back their results and was damn saddening ...
Flunk alot of subjects and i make my mum cried .
Console by her and on that day we are suppose to celebrate bear birthday , so i try to cheer up myself as its not good to give a sulky face to him when everyone wans to hav a fun time =)
Had a real good time and i sent her back home .
My first time sending her back home , felt so happy =)

1 September 2009
found a song that is damn nice - 棉花糖 ^^
Tested her chinese and told her to type out the whole lyrics !
Guess its a damn difficult task for her so i told her its okey le =)
BUT !! She actually type out the whole lyrics and sent to me in the middle of the night !
Felt so touch and i have never felt so happy before =) I swear .

2nd September 2009
She sent me chinese msg again .
Its damn touching and i can say that i drop my tears on that night for her .
She didnt noe ba ? Haha .
Wad she said always would carve in my heart =)

4th September 2009
She's afraid of my mum >.<
But i grant her wish by bring my 2 dogs down and let her see =)
She lik them so much huh ? Hahaha !
Can felt that she's very happy that night .

5th September 2009
She came up my house !
Though she's afraid of my mum but she still came up !!
Omg . So proud of her =)

7th September 2009
I hav Empower U course and she came delivering lunch for me !!
So touch >.<
Everyone envy me luh ! plus she sat in and see my performance =)
Think she had a fun day too ehh ??

9th Spetember 2009
Went to watch movie toghether with bear and his step bro and JJ .
First movie we catch together =)
She's so happy i guess ?

16th September 2009
She's sick and didnt went to school ..
So worried for her and cant wait for school to over now so that i can rush over to take care of her .

23rd September 2009
Celebrate our 1st month early by one day because i couldn't make it the next day =(
Was abit disappointed but nvm =)
Went to get the flowers and bought cheese cake for her =)
Gave it to her and i swear , she's damn happy that day ^^
I think its the happiest day in her life when im with her ba ..
Was touch that she make 2 things for me =)
A board and a photo frame !
So sweet of her ehh ?? Hahaha xD

28th September 2009
I've doubt her .
For the first time , i've hurt her ...
10.58am , i make her sad and cried ...
I broke the promise that i made to myself ...

30th September 2009
I think i've hurt her again ..
2nd time i've hurt her in just 2 days ...
Whats wrong with me ?

2nd October 2009
Im injured ..
I let them doubt me ..
Nvm .. Its my fault because i fail to explain to them clearly ..

5th October 2009
Went to her house and study together .
She told me something .. Glad that she's honest with me =)
Although its abit of disappointed but i still cant leave her because i love her too much .
So i just forget her past and get on with our present state now =)
On that day , finally everything is over .
But the stupid me , hurt her again by giving her attitude !
Dumb of ME !!! GO DIE CAN ??

8th October 2009
I make everyone worried by leaving my house without saying anything ..
I make my mum cried ...
Im sorry everyone ...
I just need to be alone for awhile ...

11th October 2009
She call me and i've explain everything to her .
Hope that all the doubts she have i have clear ...
She's still not ready to talk or meet me ...

12th October 2009
She wans to meet me ...
I guess thats it ...
She wans to say that ...
And she did ...
I hold her back , but i still let her go ...
Guess its time for me to let her have sometime of silent and her own ba ...

13th October 2009
Today , the confuse answer have finally been solve .
Although im sad ... But still theres nothing i could do but to let her go ..
Proving to them is now the only thing i can do ba ??

Thats all ba i think ? The only memories that i can remember now ba ... Mayb there's still some but i cant thought of it now ba ^^
Hey guys , im not here to try and get some sympathy or wad but jus purely sharing wad that i could remember in my memories ..
Hope you can get it ...

Thank you for the 1 month and 18 days of love you gave to me ..
Really appreciate it ...

Im moving forward ...

~~Monday, October 12, 2009~~

7:21 PM

You've said it ...
The words that i've fear ...
But can it be taken back first till aft O's ?

Call me a jerk ..
Hate me .
But can think about it again ?
i really wish to have the future we use to plan ahead .

A chance is what i only ask from you .
After texting with you , i went silence for a moment .
Thinking .. Am i wrong when you told me to hold you back once and its a must ?
I hold you back but you told me to let go ..
Im confuse ...
Why is it tt our words are so hard to get it now ?

I get it now ...
My mindset is really clear now .
Sensible and really , the Adrian tt everyone use to noe has come back and stating everything now .

I've thought of it ...
You ask me to let you go mayb hav 2 meanings to it .
1 . You need time to heal , heal the trust that is hard to heal .
2 . You've already really no feelings for me , asking me to let you go .

Im going to let you go now ...
Off you go to what you wish to now ..
I wont hold you back anymore ...
But i hope what you have said wont be eaten away .
you must be thinking wad it is ba ?
Rmb you said , we would talk about this aft O's , get into deep consideration ?
Hope its still valid ..

I wont ever mention about these things or incident anymore .
Im going into studies now ...
Not going to text you or interupt your life .
But if you wish to talk to me , i wld reply you ..
I would be waiting .

Im moving forward ...

1:55 PM

Hey surprise^^ guess who is here posting this to u adrian??? i just wanna tell things straight first, believe it or not is up to u, so ya... here i go...

I think u still haven't really woke up to ur senses yet have u? U are still like a small kid that plays hide-and-seek-.- We were all hoping that after this so called incident, u will really really change and be a even better bro or friend of ours, but it seems like u are still reluctant, as Shan Shan has said before, our arms are open whenever u are ready, but the prob is, how can u still be like this-.- Ur solitary and emo self is the thing we really find the most irritating-.- So haven't u thought backwards yet? Every single time u have fun with us, since when have we ever left u alone? Wei Qi, Keith, Yi feng and Jun Jie, since when have anyone of us not have any fun with u??? We hate the emo side of u, but we are always ready to accept the open minded Adrian we really know... U urself, have u ever thought of that? Are the memories of having us as friends not enough of u? Or are u still thinking abt ur relationships-.- Are we friends not important to u? We are right? i know u will surely say that we are important, but can u like prove it? From the past 1 and a half month, u have been emoing many many times, and have been creating trouble for us, but i neva expose or wat, in fact when we tried to talk to u like cheer u up or wat, u would smile a while, then emo again-.- wth? Dun worry, once u have thought things through again, talk to us, we will see by then whther u have really changed... anyway, i have to go now, so byebye... Use the memories we had as a reminder to u...

Labels: this once..., U can do it:) I believe in u

Im moving forward ...

10:36 AM

Dear Blog ,

My world is ending ...
Before i end , theres something i wan to say ...
All my feelings of yesterday and the night ...

Texted sk yesterday ..
Ask him whether we cld talk lik normal ..
I was hoping tt he cld say alright or ya ...
But he say ' i anything de ' ...
Do you noe wad this answer means to me ?
I can sense that you still haven forgiven me even though u said you have ..
I ask you agin when are you going to get your prom night cloothings .
Another answer i was hoping is tt ' After O's lets get together '
But you said ' I will be getting wif weiqi ' .
It hurts me , but wads de point i guess ?

Texted weiqi and ask him the same questions ..
He said anything ..
I dont really force you to get the same as we guys use to hav plan to get the same clothings ..
I dont mind you really said im getting other clothings ...
after all of you have answer my questions , Lots of things run through my mind ..

I noe some of you hav my password to my blog .
And i guess you are reading now ...

Baby , i noe i've really hurt you much .
Glass tt are broken can be mend bt there wld still be cracks seen .
At the very beginnig , you tld me tt cancer dont match wif aquaris ..
I guess it really proves that it dont match ..
Its not tt you dont match me , but its me that i dont even fit to be your friend .
I noe that you have gave up alot of things for me , even when knowing my past you still dont care and tries to be with me .
I really feel touch by wad you've said to me .
But its pointless saying all theese to you now .
Its too late ...
Even you dont said , i know that you've actually made a decision to break up with me ...
Like what i've told you , i wont blame you ..
Because its me , im the one that cause all these matters up and make you lost all the confidence , trust and believe in me ..

To my friends : After ytd talk , i really feel the distance ..
the real distance when we are in the past and now ...
I dont ask you all to forgive me but i guess i really dont have the courage to talk to you guys anymore ..
Im too ashame of myself already .

Songs really can express my feelings now .
我不配：这感觉已经不对我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪
这感觉已经不对我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

第二顺位： Listen the whole song i can say ...

明天我不会依然爱你： The whole song too ...

坚强分手： whole ...

Sometimes , i feel that why i have only have these once serious mistake i made and you all hav to 判我死刑 ..
Treating me so cold and really let me feel that im really left out ...
Im tired already ...
Zoo , im not sure already ...
Prom , i wont be going already and i guess without my pressence everyone will be happier .
Chalet , i guess im already dead .
I dunno wld you guys be able to read my post but guess there wont be news of me again .
I've finally realise the feeling of ' 当一个人真的失去了 , 才懂得珍惜 , 才感到难过 '

My world has come to a end ..
GOODBYE

Adrian , 李明杰
他死了

Im moving forward ...

~~Sunday, October 11, 2009~~

10:00 PM

Finally ...

Feel much better after saying out things that i had kept all these while .
Hope that my explainations are clear and have really clear your doubts ba ..
I knew that this day wld definitely come and you wld know my past eventually .
I wont beg you to forgive or forget what i've done in the past .
But i just hope you could give me a chance to prove you that im not the past me anymore .
Just like i wont ask or pester you to tell me about your past because i know that the person that i love is the 'Now' and not the 'Past' .
Everyone makes mistakes but i know the mistakes i've made is alot .
So , no matter what i noe the past of you , the love i have for you would never change .
Because you once told me , if you love the person , you would accept all his or her mistakes as long as he or she be honest to you and willing to change .

I guess you still needs more time ba ??
Its alright . I'll still be waiting ...

Im moving forward ...

~~Saturday, October 10, 2009~~

7:43 PM

Should i be happy or not ??
Im not sure about it .

Afternoon My bro friends came to our house to study .
But in the end they kept singing songs -.-
Dunno wad to say them ar >.<
After that went to the nearby basketball court thats near my house .
Didnt intend to play in the first place ..
But i still cannot resists it because its something very important in my life .
Although im told that i could not play anymore , but i still tried .
At the beginning , It goes quite well .
But at the break , i felt a sudden pain ..
I stop and walk home .
Had a quick bath and realise that im sweating cold sweat .
Guess im going to be sick soon ?

Went out for dinner but didnt ate much because i didnt have appetite .
Now currently resting on my bed ..
Enduring the slight sharp pain , but i think its not as pain as how i hurt Baby and sk ba ..
Maybe going to see doc again tmr ..
But see how things goes first ba =)

Regardless of wad , i would protect all my loves one including my family .
Even i've to sacrifise my life to save my bro i would too .
I've lost too much .. Dont want to lost another again .

Labels: 弟 i would protect you

Im moving forward ...

~~Friday, October 9, 2009~~

5:05 PM

Talk to mum and zi wei today ...
Feel better after talking to them :)
Experience they hav they all told me .
But theres 2 version >.<
1 is the older version and the other is the latest version . Haha
Guess i wld heed the latest version ba :)

For Baby : I hope after this monsoon rain , i can like talk to you alone .
No more silence from me but i will sit down and talk with you like how couples usually resolve things in a nice and proper way :)
Feelings that i've always wanted to tell you i would tell you this round .
I would be very honest to every question if you have for me . No more lies
But only after when everything is over i will talk to you alone .
Because i dont wish to bring back the past anymore .
Future is what im heading to now :)
I'll be waiting for your return .

Im moving forward ...

10:42 AM

Yesterday after dinner went to Greyton's grandma funeral ..
When i reach there , they were all mourning ...
After that , you can still see their happy faces .
But i guess deep in their heart , theres only a word to describe their feeling and its PAIN .
I can see that aunty Joan is very sad , but for greyton -.-
He can still joke around with his passing of his car license 2 days ago -.-
Guess today and tmr will be a hard day for them ba ..
Crying all along ??

I was sitting down there , thinking about how lucky Greyton can be as he was able to see his grandma the last time before she went ...
i wasn't able to see my grand father the last time which is the most regret thing in my life .
I was in school then and my mother told me this news when i was having recess .
Guess wads my reaction ??

Went home around 10.30pm as my bro hav school tmr .
I tried to sleep ... But words that my mum call and told me kept flashing in my mind .
She said ' Boy , i let you to be alone . But you better walk in the correct path alone and come back later and not walking the path alone that will not return anymore . '
I drop my tears immediately ..
Wad wld be your reaction when your mum say this to you ?
The kind of words that everyone seldom can hear i just heard it .
The mother love that everyone seldom can get i get it .
Mum i love you ..

Tried to sleep again around 12pm .
But the worst thing came .
Every consecuetive 1 hour i've been woke up by nightmares !
I cant sleep anymore and its 3 plus in the morning ..
The fear that i always fear have appear in my dreams .
Would the ending of us be lik that ?
Would i end up liddat ?
I dunno ... But i fear ... Really scared ...
People says nightmares always the opposite in real life .
Would it be a happy ending or sad ending ?
Its a question mark now ..

I've regret too many things .
People tend to regret after losing it ..

Im moving forward ...

~~Thursday, October 8, 2009~~

6:28 PM

I admit sometimes i lied to my friends .
To you i did too .
But the version isn't the same , its originally by him but i did went recording as to show i really did sing by myself .
But guess its no use afterall .

Operations i went wasn't like the kind you thought of ..
It wasnt the type of knife operation but with bare hands that we usually went to chinese medics
kind .Therefore there isnt any stitches you could see ..
trust me or not , i'll let u decide ..
If you think that i've lied to you with my life , than i have nothing more to say ..

A new life to start anew is what i wanted now .
I dont want to go back to the past .
Honesty is wad you wan including everyone im giving myself in already .
Above all was all my honesty answer but if theres any doubts again , i really have nothing to say but to walk away alone ..

My world is ending

Im moving forward ...

4:37 PM

Alright . I will say everything in details without leaking any information .
After all the msg , i finally noe wads really causing this problems .

First of all , i want to say is wad you guys think the message im sending is not wad you guys think .
Sounds complicated ??
Alright , from the very beginning , i didnt even thought of hurting anyone .
Not sk , wq , shan , Baby or anyone else .
Its the meaning you guys dont get wad i mean .
I didnt even meant to give you guys attitude at all ..

For example on tues .
Sk was using the com at baby house .
I told him to not to use the com and let baby to rest .
Not getting him to get lost or go home immediately !
I just want to let baby to rest becos she told me she's tired and a matter of fact , she didnt rest well the previously .
I didnt even hav the intention or meaning to give sk or baby attitude at all .

What has really cos the 3 of us in this tension is because of the meaning you dont get wad i really mean .
Ok . Maybe im in the wrong because i didnt explain myself straight when i sense something is not right in the first place .
Causing baby to lost all the trust in me is also my fault .
I dont beg her to trust me again .
But frm ytd , i've already made up my mind to get back to my usual self and i really meant it .
Why i wld leave my house without a single word is because i went to think wad i've really done wrong and its not that im getting back to my tt ' not myself ' again .

From the moment when those rainy days are over , i've already told myself tt love needed TRUST than can lead to happiness . That is why i cld leave sk with baby in tt day . But i guess she dont trust me that i've trust her .
Cant blame her becos im the one that dont grab on to the chances when she trusted me .
I've made her doubt me many many many times and tts why she's deeply hurt this time .
Sorry i wont say anymore . Becos i noe that you're nubm to tt word already.

To sk , i've never ever blame you for saying all those to me because i knew that you've said those was beacause of a moment of anger . But seriously , you have mistaken me , mistaken my words and meanings .

Im moving forward ...

~~Tuesday, October 6, 2009~~

9:21 PM

Think im pessimistic .....
I would keep everything to myself from now onwards ....
Suffer myself than hurting my love ones especially my baby ...
She's the last person on earth that i dont wan to hurt .

Abit of sad today cos i didnt get to spent enough time with her ...
Maybe its a kind of ' retribution ' ba ??
Hmm ... wont be able to see Baby for some time i guess ...
Cos she tmr finish her exams already and she wld be lik damn free !!!
Hais ... so disappointed when she say tt ... but nvm ...

Hope that i can go Zoo & Night Safari with her next week !!!
Hope so ....

Im moving forward ...

~~Monday, October 5, 2009~~

9:33 PM

HIIE PEOPLE !!

Its been a long time since i last post my that "Emo" post huh ... Haha !
Finally !! Rainy days have gone and Sunny day have come back le !!
Im so happy ^.^ Muahahahaha xD

Today went to my baby house to study =)
Farhan and zilin were there too !!
I can say that both of them are really lik 'Kids' huh ?? Hahaha !!
Joking joking >.<
Newly wed tend to be very childish i think ?? Hehe :)
Study till 5pm and began to rest ...
finally my baby dinner came and actually it suppose to be lunch luh ...
Imagine how long Mac take to deliver la !!
Idiot Mac service ! make my baby go hunger for so long -.-

After tt we started chatting than we decided to give some space to the 'Newly wed' xP
Stay at my baby house till 7pm and i left ...
Although i hav abit of cant bear to leave >.<
But anw , tmr im still meeting my Baby !! Hahaha =)

Baby , things that i've promise you , i really will remember it hard in my heart and soul..
Plus , i wont ever wan to go back to those rainy days anymore cos i never ever wan to hurt you or see you sad anymore .

BABY I LOVE YOU
ETERNITY

Im moving forward ...

~~Thursday, October 1, 2009~~

4:23 PM

Wads with me ? Can someone tell me ?

Why i just cant stop thinking for the past 2 days ..
Wads in my mind ?
Seriously , i've been asking myself alot of times ...
But , i still cant get the answer out of my mind ...
I cant even figure out wad im even thinking ...
Is it because of that day ??
I think its not ...
Thats wad i could really only figure out from my mind and heart ..
Why my life have to be so complicated ?
I need to get out from this world , this complicated world ...
I wish to have a simple life , a normal and full of surprise life ..
But can i ?? I really dunno ...

Now currently at Wei Qi house ...
Guess i really only can tell him everything and only him really noes my feeling noes how i really feel ...
Thanks Bro :)

Gonna go down and see them play basketball le but im not playing i guess ...
Maybe seeing them play can only let me stop thinking of anything ba ...

Im moving forward ...